Ukraine is Calling Again-Literally

We want to go back one more time. We left pieces of our hearts there and we must find a way to return somehow.

Let me give you a little background information. When we adopted our two girls we met another girl that we tried to adopt at the same time. Unfortunately, the director would not approve three and we could not do it. So we hosted this girl we call Karina, we hosted her three weeks one Christmas, and two months one summer. We had every intention of adopting her but there were roadblocks that made adopting her at that time something we could not complete. I would prefer not to go into all the reasons why because there were many as there always is with international adoptions. In the meantime God gave us peace about it and brought Lena to our attention in a mighty way and one that we could not ignore. We praise him for Lena and for her laughter that lights up our lives.

We both prayed for Karina everyday and then she got a letter to us a few weeks ago and it broke our hearts. We don't know how we are going to do it but we feel if God wants us to go back we are willing. So if anyone has any good fund raising ideas we would definitely be interested. We have the room, the time and the heart, but like most people we just don't have 20,000 dollars laying around. We did fund raising for our last adoption and raised over half of our money. This time we would have to fundraise most of it. Please pray for us and for Karina she is going to be 15 in March and we very much want to make her part of our family we have a year to get her out before she turns 16.

The girls are fine with it we all cried after we got her letter. They have soft hearts even though after they got here initially Alesa and Julia really didn't want us to adopt any more. They have seen the benefits of having a big family, the more love to pass around. Lena is most enthuiastic about it maybe because she knows how close she came to aging out. She only had less than 3 months when we adopted her before it would have been too late and eventually she would have ended up on the streets and worse.

Our blog will now become focused on getting Karina home.

I have to end by telling you a funny story. I still marvel at the things that amaze our teens and that our other kids took for granted. We were cooking (in case you can't tell we do a lot of that and our kitchen is the center of activity) well Zhenya, Alesa, Lena and Julia were all milling about when I pulled out the food processor which I do not use much at all because I use a hand chopper. I put the carrots in and turned it on, and I wish I could have captured the look of wonder on their faces. Here I have this big muscular 18 year old lining up to take his turn at pulsing the carrots. I look over from where I am stirring something at the stove and they are all gathered around this thing like a space ship just landed and they are ohhing and ahhing with each turn of the blade. It would have made a precious picture, but I don't know if it could have captured the pure unadulterated joy of wonder and amazement on their precious faces. It however will be forever etched in my memory and it reinforces all the reasons why we have adopted four teens and want to go for one more. Any of you out there thinking about doing older ones trust me you still get so many baby, toddler and beyond moments.

Some are not so funny like when our trash can had a terrible smell so I told the kids to wipe it out and spray Lysol down in the can. I heard Zhenya in his heavy accent yelling "Alesa stop, stop now" several times. I go in the kitchen and there is my 16 year old daughter with all the food sitting out spraying everything including her brother and giggling like it was the funniest thing in the world. She did not understand why I didn't laugh!

There are many moments when I do laugh and probably not as often as I should. I can't wait to meet God face to face I know that he is going to have a wonderful sense of humor I mean after all who gave us the gift of laughter.

Listen to the Laughter

All the college kids have returned to their institutions of higher learning and the the activity at our house has calmed considerably, and so has the food bill. Although we still have 5 at home it is amazing how quiet it seems. Doesn't mean the older 3 were noisy it just leaves a hole where there was a full presence. We have one more starting school here, we hope in another few weeks, but he may be living at home while he is still trying to find his path. Ryan thinks he wants to be an air/heating repairman. We are encouraging him to find a connection to his future. He graduated high school early because he never cared for school and thinks he wants to go to technical school. At this point his dad and I just want him to do something because he is in neutral mode.

Lena is still doing great! Hers was definitely a change of heart and not just a step forward, big difference. She called her teacher/caretaker at the orphanage this morning. We usually allow the kids to call back to their teachers once a month or so after they arrive. Zhenya tried after we got here and sadly enough someone at the orphanage kept hanging up on him and told him to quit calling, so he did. Alesa and Julia called back to Ukraine often when they first arrived, but then over time they called less and less, and now I am the one encouraging the phone calls. These teachers really do care for them and some of the teachers/caretakers do as much as they can for these orphans on their meager salaries. I thank God for these people. They took care of, and taught our children while they were waiting for God to make us aware that we had children in faraway places that we needed to bring home. We have not allowed Lena to call until now because we knew she was not in a good place so we didn't even tell her there was an option of calling. This morning when she called she was all bubbly about how much she loves being here and how much she loves her family.

I got up the other morning and Lena is dancing around the kitchen singing and giggling up a storm. She gets tickled very easily and sometimes we are not even sure at what. Kenna our oldest daughter really bonded with the girls on this visit home. She said when Lena gets her English down she is going to be really funny, Kenna thinks she is funny now and she can't even understand most of what Lena is saying.

The girls all get along well now and Lena and Julia have buried the hatchet.

I came home from work tired the other day and went in to have a few moments of quiet time. When I came out the girls had made dinner. Julia had cooked chicken all by herself on the grill, and seasoned it to perfection, some of the best chicken I have ever eaten. Alesa made wonderful garlic mashed potatoes and Lena did a beautiful salad. They had the table all set and proudly escorted me to my chair. I have been teaching them how to cook and they are learning well. Although, Lena complained that she is getting fat from too much good American food. I said, "well, honey welcome to the crowd." as we all munched on the cookies they made:)

I bought them each their own little recipe boxes so they can write down their favorite recipes so by the time they leave home they will have it filled with things they love. Every so often I will put a special note to them on a recipe card, a bible verse or a thought, and insert it in their box. I hope someday it will be a special memory of our time learning together in the kitchen.

They are so helpful and it sure makes my life much easier. We have chore time on Saturday and all 5 have chores to do. The girls never ever complain but the two boys moan and groan so I just give them more chores until they learn to do them with a humble spirit. I wish I could say it is working but it's not they still complain every week. Our house is shiny as a new penny when we are done.

They are all very neat. Julia wasn't when she got here, but the older kids are all organized and orderly and we all stayed on her and she is finally learning. We have to love her, she is our little air head who used to be a mess in the making. She is creative but when she finished a project it looked like a tornado had gone through and Julia was no where to be found. She thought the floor and table were where all jackets, sweaters, toys and books belonged.

Our church does mission trips to Mexico where we are building a small church for a wonderful pastor with little resources. They also have an orphanage with many disabled children. They did a presentation on Sunday and immediately the girls said, "can we go to help these people, please." Zhenya doesn't have a spiritual connection at all but we are thinking of having all of them go this summer maybe he will see God working there. The girls are seeking out the Lord more and more often. I have the best intentions of starting a bible devotion time with them but we haven't done it yet. We pray together but we haven't done a book devotion which is high on my priority list to start. Julia loves the bible stories and Alesa loves christian music. Lena is still in the look and see stage.

Lena, Julia and I are trying to learn to play the piano from computer. Zhenya taught himself guitar this way. We just started but I am not sure how long we can stumble along before we have to find a teacher. I think Zhenya was either more talented or more tenacious. I told them they can not do both voice and piano they have to choose so they will continue voice until we decide to find a real teacher of piano.

I need to go I must spend some quiet time with my Lord. What a privilege to be able to spend time with one who loves me so much, even on the nights when I am asleep before we have completed our talk together. How comforting to know he will stay with me through the night and be waiting when I wake tomorrow morning.

AND THE WALLS CAME TUMBLING DOWN...

There comes a time when the last drop makes the cup run over. An extra drop makes it all start to flow over and it seems once it starts it can not stop. The walls of one 16 year old very hurt and confused girl have come a tumbling down. They have come down not in a little way, not in a small way, but in a very HUGE way. Who knows the exact defining moment this happens. Perhaps there are microscopic cracks happening all along that are invisible to the naked eye, and then one day it all comes apart and leaves the diamond underneath shining in full glory.

The walls that had been hiding the true heart and soul of our Lena are gone. Praise God for his faithfulness! I know how this happened and at the end I will tell you. In the meantime here are a few things that started or rather completed the fall of the wall:

I was close to giving up and told her as much. I didn't know where else to turn even though I know it takes time and even though it hadn't been my husbands "give it the 6 month grace period" I was frustrated and tired. So little movement, so much effort. Several weeks ago I communicated with her, and I must say in not a very patient way, that we could not do all the giving. I was crying, she was pouting. I hugged her and she pouted. I said, Lena are we the family you want because I don't know anymore and I walked out.

Christmas morning I went up because she wouldn't come down because she was pouting about something ( pouting is something they learn well at the orphanage), she told the girls she wasn't coming down she didn't want our Christmas presents. It was only God's grace that made me walk over sit down beside her put my arms around her and say, Lena we want you to come down stairs and be part of the family. This is your first Christmas come celebrate it with us.

She came down stairs and her piano was sitting there with a big red bow on it she loves music and she was speechless. "All mine" her eyes quizzed us and we nodded, yes all yours. Later she came and told me she had only learned a few songs in Ukraine so she didn't know how to play. I told her we were going to give her lessons and she said, Yes?? I said, yes, and as if she couldn't believe it, again- yes? Yes, Lena darling you will get lessons and she threw her arms around her dad and I and hugged us.

I am a very busy mom and have good intentions but sometimes don't get to them as quickly as I would like. I have taken lots of pictures of Lena, but unfortunately I have not framed any and set them out in the house. It was not just her that didn't have a picture up I needed to frame several of the kids current pictures. Had I known what an impact putting a picture up would have made I would have done it sooner. Lena was showing everyone her picture on the bookcase. It was a big deal!

Maybe it was the eclairs that helped the cracks grow. She has always helped us cook by cleaning and chopping she didn't want to do more than that and I haven't pushed it. We needed a desert so both Julia and Alesa volunteered. I decided to let both of them choose a desert to make and then asked Lena if she would like to make one. I gave her a book with pictures and she chose eclairs. We had a cooking afternoon and Lena wanted to do it all alone with minimal help. It was quite fun we had three different cooks working and I was the straw boss. All the desserts came out beautifully. Lena was as proud as she could be of her eclairs she put them on the counter top for all to see and smiled all day.

Her wonderful friend Elizabeth who was also adopted from her orphanage came for a visit. Lena didn't do her usual thing when friends are around which is to ignore family and be in a foul mood when they leave. She went overnight to Elizabeth's grandmothers house and on her own asked Elizabeth if she could call me. She called and said, "mom I love you." The few times she has been away before she acted like we didn't exist, even after she returned. Just a side note we are not big proponents of spend the nights, and especially for newly adopted children. Lena has a few friends from Ukraine and a few times we have let her go because we thought a break might help her. It never seemed to help until Elizabeth's visit. I think they talked and Elizabeth is a down to earth no nonsense girl with great parents.

We had a family situation and words were exchanged this happens in a house full of teens and young adults sometimes. I went to the bedroom and my oldest daughter Kenna came into talk with me as I was upset. Lena did something none of the others would have done because they can be intimidated when we are having private conversations with the older kids. She opened the door and saw us talking in hushed tones. I thought she would close it and leave because she has not been assertive at all before, but she didn't she came in walked across the room and started stroking my hair. She leaned down asked if I was OK and told me she loved me. She stayed for awhile and then quitely slipped out.

Lena spoke almost no English until two weeks ago. She had one word here or there and refused to try. Anytime we communicated was with Alesa translating or sign language. Lena had a low frustration level and was difficult trying to communicate with her because she would get mad.

We said no more Russian can be spoken in our house right now. We expected pouting but the dam broke open. A week later she is making complete sentences and understanding alot.

These past several weeks have been like watching a cloud over her going away and the sun come out. This girl has the sunniest diposition of anyone in the family. Her laughter peals throughout the house all the time. She seeks my affection all the time now and wants to sit or be near me. She is so helpful and cleans like a little machine, even when I say Lena that is enough, she goes and gets the mop to get up that last bit. She came into the bedroom last night and spent an hour talking and laughing. She even made humor in English. She and Julia have not had one issue since the cupcake incident.

This was not a step forward this is a changed heart we can see the difference. I am sitting here with tears in my eyes as I realize how close we came to giving up. How comforting to know that no matter what I do my savior would never even come close to giving up on me. I am glad he didn't give up on us and Lena because he knew those walls would tumble down long before any of us were breathed into being. Isn't that just the most comforting thought in the whole world that God is always in control even when we think things are so hopeless.

We believe we now have the real Lena living with us all the walls are down. Was it the months of love, was it my final frustrated conversation with her, was it the picture, was it the eclairs, was it the piano, the language acquisition, maybe Elizabeth's visit? Did we just assume assimilation into a large family and not single her out enough? We think these all played a role, but in the end it was one thing and only one thing, it was God's love and faithfulness for both her and for us.

I have to tell you a few more bits of exciting news our oldest son Brett took his LSATs the beginning of December and we have been anxiously awaiting his scores. He was in the top 10% in the nation and will now be applying to several law schools. We are looking forward to getting one of ours off the dole( kidding sort of) he received several grants and loans. Our son Zhenya was admitted to the architecture program at the school of his choice. We will have four in college not sure how we are going to do it all but God will provide. We have all 8 kids home right now while everyone is waiting to go back to college. It has blessed my heart to see them all bonding and playing together. I can't keep food in the house but other than that :)

Have a wonderful day and God Bless!